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Larry Lamb
Senior Member

2406 Posts

Posted - 05 February 2017 : 4:57:41 PM

I thought I'd post a few jokes to cheer myself up

Q: Why did the lamb call the police?
A: He'd been fleeced

Q: What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate?
A: A Candy Baa.

Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.

Q: What do you call a lamb with a machine gun?
A: A b-aa-aa-aa-d situation.

Q: What do you get if you cross a boa and a sheep?
A: A wrap-around sweater

Q: How do lamb greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Q: How do lamb in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: "Fleece Navidad!"

Q: How many lambs does it take to knit a sweater?
A: Don't be silly - lamb can't knit!

Q: What animal sounds like a lamb but isn't?
A: A baaaa-boon!

Q: What do you call a dancing lamb?
A: A baa-lerina!

Q: What do you call a very quiet grown-up lamb ?
A: A shhhheep!

Q: What do you call a lamb with no legs?
A: A cloud.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lamb and a porcupine?
A: An animal that can sew its own sweaters.

Q: Where do lambs get a haircut?
A: The baa-baa shop!

Q: Where do lambs take a bath?
A: In a baaaa-th tub!

Q: What did the lamb want to do?
A: To wool the world.

Q: Why was the lamb arrested on the freeway?
A: Because she did a ewe-turn!

Q: Where do lambs go on vacation?
A: To the baaaaaahamas.

Q: What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A: A Lamb-orghini

Q: What religion do lambs follow ?
A: Baaaa-ptist.

Q: When did French lambs start a revolution ?
A: Baaaa-stile Day.

Q: What is a lamb's favorite newspaper?
A: "The Wool Street Journal"

Bob
Senior Member

2570 Posts

Posted - 19 February 2017 : 3:19:39 PM

HAr=haar

Heers some oif mien fir you

Drinking Wisdom

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up . . . reading." Henny Youngman

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway

"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror." John Mooney

"I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver." Phil Harris

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis