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Rob
Intermediate Member


472 Posts

Posted - 12 December 2003 :  10:33:47 AM  Show Profile Send Rob a Private Message  Reply with Quote
A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to
their passengers...


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know
you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to
my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go
in the opposite direction".


"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E&
B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any
further information as soon as I'm given any."


"Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last
Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news
is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham,
which means we probably won't reach our destination."


"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security
alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
together. All together now....'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'".


"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is
closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could
tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".


"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity, failing that, give it to me."


During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced
in a West Indian drawl: "step right this way for the sauna, ladies and
gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided".


"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ...) "Oh go on then, stuff
yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."


"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold
the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."
"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the
doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into
the doors."


"We can't move off because some idiot has their ****** hand stuck in the
door"


"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"


"Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL
belongings away from the doors (Pause...) This is a personal message to the
man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put
the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door
before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways"

"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on
any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only
fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage".

Beacon Girl
A Fiery Female !



4777 Posts

Posted - 12 December 2003 :  11:00:51 AM  Show Profile Send Beacon Girl a Private Message  Reply with Quote
FOFL
Thanks for those Rob ,they gave me a really good laugh and I needed it today as it is a wet miserable gloomy horrible day and I'm cheesed off .

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Rob
Intermediate Member



472 Posts

Posted - 12 December 2003 :  11:55:49 AM  Show Profile Send Rob a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Oh, I'm sorry to hear you're cheesed off, BG.

Then again, I like this kind of weather. I don't know if it's because I'm a 'winter baby' or whatever, but I just seem to love it when it's wet and windy. There's nothing more soothing than the sound of rain.

BTW, the announcements came courtesy of Lyn from S Africa.

Rob
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Beacon Girl
A Fiery Female !



4777 Posts

Posted - 12 December 2003 :  12:40:49 PM  Show Profile Send Beacon Girl a Private Message  Reply with Quote
Rob
I did notice that there was a new member called Lyn ,but she had not posted anything , is she your friend .

Lyn welcome
Come on where are you get posting some messages ,it will be nice to hear from someone new .

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Rob
Intermediate Member



472 Posts

Posted - 12 December 2003 :  1:48:08 PM  Show Profile Send Rob a Private Message  Reply with Quote
BG, Lyn is a cousin of a very close friend of my mother's. Lyn lived in the house where my mother's friend now lives.

It brings back memories, as I was a pageboy at Christine's wedding. I (along with my brother) was in full Scottish dress. There's a photo around here somewhere of my parents, grandparents, brother and me at the reception in the Boot -- it was a posh place in those days!

Rob
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