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 Giggles Galore !
 The German ones were v.funny
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BigBrother
Advanced Member

United Kingdom
531 Posts

Posted - 01 November 2003 :  08:47:11 AM  Show Profile  Send BigBrother a Yahoo! Message Send BigBrother a Private Message  Reply with Quote
While taxiing at London Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
> > departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
> > with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at
> >
> > the US Air crew, screaming:
> >
> > "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right
> > onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta!
> >
> > Stop right there.
> >
> > I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D,
> > but get it right!"
> >
> > Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> > hysterically:
> >
> > "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort
> > this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
> > can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I
> > want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
> > tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
> >
> > "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
> >
> > Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
> > silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to
> > chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of
> > mind.
> >
> > Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.
> > Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
>
> > asking:
> >
> > "Wasn't I married to you once?"
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> > A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
> > out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make
> > hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are
> > not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
>
> > lights and return to the airport."
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> > >From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
> >
> > "I'm f...ing bored!"
> >
> > Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
> > immediately!"
> >
> > Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> > Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> > frequency 124.7"
> >
> > Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
> > after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
> > the runway."
> >
> > Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
> > contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
> > Eastern 702?"
> >
> > Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
> > yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers"
> >
> > ==========================================================
> >
> > The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as
> > short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
> > parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
> > them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
>
> > the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
> > Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206".
> >
> > Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
> > Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
> >
> > The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
> >
> > Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
> >
> > Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
> > now."
> >
> > Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
> > been to Frankfurt before?"
> >
> > Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 -- but I didn't bother to
> > land."
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> > O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
> > Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
> >
> > United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
> > little Fukker in sight."
> >
> > ============================================================
> >
> > A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard
> > the
> > following:
> >
> > Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
> > Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
> > English."
> >
> > Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
> > Germany. Why must I speak English?"
> >
> > Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
> >
> > "Because you lost the bloody war."



Quote Of The DayP P P P Pickup a penquin - McVities

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